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August 2, 2010 Hi {!firstname_fix} Last weeks's chat really affected me. We were talking about abuse, not the easiest topic for sure. Someone said she was not sure she could feel safe with this topic. I came up with the idea of changing the language to use the terms *puffers* and *shrinkers* to describe the abusers and the abused. It changed everything and we were able to talk about what really happens....and we were able to talk about why the two sides of the problem come from the same wounding...and why sugar sensitivity and alcohol can make both so hard. It was one of those experiences where everything shifted. And I have been teaching this topic for many years. Somehow, in that moment, Grace spoke. Now, I know that sometimes people have no idea what I mean when I refer to *Grace*. One time someone said, *Wait, are you talking about a person, or what?* For me, grace is the whisper from the divine that guides me, and therefore guides this community. I was raised in a Church...it did not work particularly well for me. I saw too much hypocrisy, too much abuse of power and denigration of women. But the idea of connecting to something deeper, something full of purpose and intent and love, was good, very good. So I studied about those things for a long, long time. And I sat in the quiet for a long time. Some might call it meditation. I am not sure what I would call it. But I began to hear a kind of guidance that was funny, tender, loving and very, very clear. It was the guidance that pushed me to go back to school, to give up my job, to take huge risks. And it has never failed me. Just thought you might like to know (smile). These classes will begin Wednesday, August 4, 2010. Please click on the name of the class you wish to join and it will take you to the registration page: Radiant Step 3 (2 weeks) is one of our core classes. This is a skill-based class. If you want to learn the baby steps of a successful step 3, come join us. This class is ALWAYS fun. Using the Resources of the Community (4 weeks) is a free orientation for those of you who are brand new and would like to find your way around town. Come sit on the top of our double-decker bus for a guided tour. And even if you are not brand new, this is a really fun class to reconnect with all the treats of the community. These classes will begin Wednesday, August 11, 2010. Please click on the name of the class you wish to join and it will take you to the registration page: Radiant Step 2 - Skillful Use (2 weeks) is the next level of journaling. This is for those of you who know *how* and want to learn what to do with your data. This class shows you how to interpret what you have written in an exciting and pragmatic way. Radiant Store Tour (1 week) is a free guided tour of the store. David will be leading this class so if you want to get to know the guy that makes it all work, and you want to learn about the products we carry and why, come sign up and show your support for the work he does to keep you happy. The class schedule is online. Click here to see what is planned. Please wait to sign up for classes until a week or two before, and do not sign up for classes that are not yet scheduled. A number of you have asked me how the classes work. Check the class list page for more information on this. And please go read the questions and answers before you write to me. If you have trouble getting through the process, write the tech forum. Be sure to visit our Radiant Recovery website and Community Forum regularly. Warmly, Kathleen **********************************************************************
** Quote From Kathleen ** Weave Step 7 into your life 100 times a day! **********************************************************************
** Testimonial of the Week ** I've been meaning to send this post for a few days. You'd written in your introduction that you wished you could figure out things in your journal yourself--that Kathleen had helped you see that you might have a problem with gluten, for example. It sounded like you were, perhaps, giving yourself a bit of a hard time because you didn't see this all by yourself. I think this is one reason we can't heal in isolation--we need other people to help us see important things we can't see by ourselves. Over on the Step 3 list, Kathleen helped me see just this week--IT'S OKAY TO USE A DISHWASHER EVERY DAY EVEN THOUGH I AM A SINGLE WOMAN LIVING ALONE!!!! Now, wouldn't most people say, "Well, duh!!!" But I couldn't see that. Almost two years ago, and I bet you don't remember this, YOU helped me to such an aha moment. It was at a Radiant Colorado lunch in Boulder, and you told me, essentially, that it was okay for me to always have an afternoon snack. I eat breakfast at 5:30, I have lunch at 11:00, of course I have to have an afternoon snack because I can't eat dinner until 6 or 6:30. And most people would say, "Well, duh!!!" But I was trying so hard to follow THE RULES I couldn't see what I needed. When you helped me see that, you made it possible for me to make major strides in Step 3. How many years would I have gone if I hadn't talked to you about this, and kept trying to figure it all out by myself? So here is a very belated THANK YOU for seeing for me, when I couldn't see. And I say GOOD FOR YOU that you shared enough information that Kathleen could see what might be causing you problems. Hugs, Camille **********************************************************************
** Radiant Ambassadors ** 
Last week Ellen shared her idea for alternative ways of handling Halloween - I loved it so much that I thought I would share it here too:“My children, now 9, do like to go trick or treating. We are sugar sensitive, yet not yet eliminating sugar. However, when my son was 5 he had to have a brace put in his mouth that did not allow him to have chewy candy or gum. "Halloween was approaching and I needed to find something that was more exciting than candy for a 5 year old. So, I went to a couple dollar stores and bought little “treasures.” On Halloween, I laid them all on the dining room table with a price attached to each one. Some things were cheap – only 5 pieces of candy. Others were more expensive at 40 pieces. "After we got home from trick or treating, they immediately started looking at what they wanted to buy. I sat to the side with an empty bag and let them shop. Each thing they found they wanted, they went to their stash, collected the designated amount and counted it by dropping each piece into my bag. Once their deposit was complete, they grabbed their new item. They continued to buy until their candy was gone! "We have been doing this every year since then. They want to go trick or treating with their friends, but now they want to get as much as they can so they can “buy” more stuff. Now I have bigger ticket items like a Harry Potter Book or a video game. Those are worth a lot of candy! Once they “pay” me, they get their new stuff and I donate the candy away. (They even helped me shop for stuff they wanted to buy this past year, so I knew all the stuff was interesting to them). It has been awesome and I imagine it’ll help families who are eliminating sugar. "The kids can still participate with their friends in the tradition of trick or treating, but then they can use it for currency. Also, I think there are different organizations that send the candy overseas to our troops. That can also be good to help children be a part of that experience too“. If you have any more wonderful Halloween ideas, come on over to the ambassadors list or drop me a line! Selena Selenas@blueyonder.co.uk Come join us if you are excited about spreading the news. **********************************************************************
** How I Found Radiant Recovery ** I'm Lisa , I'm 47 years old. I live in California. I found Potatoes not Prozac when I started reading The Wisdom of Menopause. I am slowly doing Step 2. I started the program this month. I have been sugar sensitive since I was very young and have tried so many different plans in regard to food. I was overjoyed when I found the book because I know for me one sweet is too many and 1000 is not enough. My husband is amazed how quickly I can devour any sweet left in the house. I fear step three since I like to grab and go......one step food, as I call it. The idea of planning seems very far out of my reach. It's important that I learn this way of life because I have two children and I need to help them learn to eat well too. I am having breakfast every day, wondering why I am writing my journal, but doing my best to just write and trust. Lisa **********************************************************************
** Radiant Kitchen **
Combine chicken and steamed veggies in a skillet with some olive oil. Stir in brown rice. Top with grated cheese and put a cover on the skillet until it melts. Serve. For more great program-friendly recipes, check out our cookbook in the store. **********************************************************************
** Radiant **Conversations Well last week in chat, we did a follow up to the article on abuse. I think it stunned all of us. Even though we had people in all stages of the program, we were able to have a thoughtful, caring and very helpful discussion. I was deeply moved. And even more so when I read the transcripts. There is something about this real-time conversation stuff that is mind boggling. I feel gifted to be a part of it. In that chat, I coined the terms *puffers* and *shrinkers* to look at the abusers and the abused. I think it helped take the charge off and see things in a clear way. Do the same when you read today's article. If you are not a YLD member, come and join us. Click here if you are ready to change your life or just have some plain ol' fun! **********************************************************************
** Radiant Recovery® Store ** David manages the Radiant Recovery® Store. He is also Kathleen's oldest son.  I had that same reservation at first. I finally broke down and ordered the very cheapest bottle of Restore made. Much to my surprise, it was wonderful. I have had different protein powders for a decade or so as in a previous life I was a gym rat. I always put up with the less-than-wonderful taste for the benefits. But Restore is excellent. And I like the fact that it was developed to help people's bodies heal, not to help lift bigger gym weights. As soon as I had the first shake from that first bottle, I went on the subscription list. Sue Restore is the best protein powder on the market. We love it, you will too. Please send questions and suggestions. I love hearing from you and truly want to help you do your program better. **********************************************************************
** Our Online Groups ** 
On our Radiant Fitness group we talk about how doing the food can support our fitness program and vice versa. Some favorite topics are what to eat when doing intensive exercise when all that's out there commercially are sugar-filled products. We also talk about what to eat before and after morning workouts, and what to do for those folks whose training program requires a twice-a-day workout. We have runners walkers, bikers, dancers, aerobicizers, yogis, and many more types of exercise enthusiasts on the list. One of the neat things on the list is people who are recovering from exercise addiction who are learning how to work exercise back in their life in a healthy way. If any of this fits you, well, come on over and join in. **********************************************************************
**The Sugar Sensitive Abuser ** Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D.
I know that many of you appreciated the article on abuse in the last issue of the Radiant Recovery Newsletter. That article talked about the biochemistry of being abused. I promised to write more from the other side - how does the biochemistry of sugar sensitivity create the abuser. First of all, let's define what I mean by 'abuse' for this discussion. We typically have thought of 'abuse' as hitting, but it is way more than that. Marlin Mousseau from Project Medicine Wheel in Pine Ridge, SD presented a fascinating outline of the components of male violence against women. Let me share some of what he said with you. Marlin is talking about male abuse against women. It applies for either gender. Here are the flags:
Low beta-endorphin means low self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you learn to find ways to raise it so you can feel at least a little normal for some of the time. Sugar does this, alcohol does this...and...causing pain to others does it as well. If you are sugar sensitive, chances are you have both low beta-endorphin and low serotonin. Low serotonin means low impulse control. The words come out before you think. You smack before you dialogue. You drink a beer to feel ok. You eat a pint of ice cream to gather your feelings. Or you exercise to maintain control. When these 'drugs' wear off you get edgy and the abuse streams out. You 'hit' either with your hand or fist or with your words. And even though part of you does not like it, part of you feels way better. You feel in control and like you can cope. The abuse makes your beta-endorphin spike up. Your self-esteem rises, you get a drug like response on a molecular level and the world is manageable. Until it wears off. Then you do it again. Thus the 'cycle' of abuse continues. Most people will tell you you need something like anger management. But to me that is simply treating the symptoms. Of course you need to learn impulse control and of course you need to learn new behavior, but just saying that is like telling an alcoholic or drug addict to 'just say no.' The person in the middle of it finds that idea simply impossible. The trick is to change the biochemistry that gets you there. Balance it, increase serotonin, increase impulse control. Raise beta-endorphin and self-esteem goes up. Repair the cause rather than treat the symptom. As you start to look at this, of course you will think 'she makes me' or 'if she would just (whatever, you can fill in the blank), I wouldn't have to be this way.' A main hallmark of untreated sugar sensitivity is the big duo, blame and entitlement. You think it is her fault and that you deserve to be in charge. Those feelings are biochemical too. Your victim is not making you do anything. And, usually she is dealing with her own biochemistry. Her sugar sensitivity creates low self-esteem. Being hurt raises it for her. Reread my first article on abuse if you have forgotten or not seen it. The two of you find each other. The dance of abuse comes with the abuser and the abused. You may decide you want to change and it will be hard because she has patterns as well. Or she may decide to change and leave you in the dust facing your own behavior. There is a way out. Doing the steps, in order, slowly and carefully will change your biochemistry. Changing your biochemistry will allow you to step out of a life that is no fun. It will create a platform for learning new behaviors. Rather than blame and entitlement, you will feel responsibility and wanting to solve the problem. Let's look at the steps for changing your sugar sensitivity. I have adapted them some for guys. Your style of making change is a little different than for women. 1. Have breakfast with protein: this step has 4 parts
3. Eat 3 meals a day at regular intervals
5. Switch from white carbs to whole grain carbs 6. Stop having sugars including alcohol 7. Do the things that raise beta endorphin Exercise As your biochemistry changes, you will find yourself better able to hear and to actually communicate with the people who were your victims. You will be more patient, more tolerant and more flexible. This may sound nuts - food can change you - but it is not. I have worked with thousands of guys. This is real and it works. Warmly, Kathleen Here are the folks who are helping put the newsletter together:
Gretel, our webmaster, puts it all together. David runs the Radiant Recovery® Store. Selena provides the weekly Ambassadors column. ©2010 Kathleen DesMaisons. All rights reserved. You are free to use or transmit this article to your ezine or website as long as you leave the content unaltered, use this attribution: "By Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. of Radiant Recovery®", and notify kathleen@radiantrecovery.com of the location. Please visit the Radiant Recovery® website at http://www.radiantrecovery.com for additional resources on sugar sensitivity and healing addiction. You are getting the weekly newsletter from Radiant Recovery® in response to your signup. A copy of this newsletter may also be found posted on the web at http://www. radiantrecovery.com/ |
