Oh for pitty sake!
I am frustrated and upset with myself. I was doing really well. (Step 6) I felt so good! Then I went "home" (where I grew up) for vacation. Oh my stars! All the emotional triggers and cravings. My family has coffee and desert every night! At first, I was doing very well. For the first time in my life I didn't really feel out of control. It all started with pie! We went blueberry picking. Then a dear family member made blueberry pie from our harvested fruit. It was so "homey", warm and loving. (And a childhood memory of being loved.) It felt good and I didn't want to be left out. I felt so stable, "I thought I could handle it." Do I sound like an addict or what? Slippery slopes, and all that... It wasn't long before I was eating dessert like the rest of them, telling myself I was on vacation and that I would "fix it" when I got home. "Waaaaaaaa... " Now, I am a hot mess. Caught in the freakin cycle again, remembering all to well why I wanted out of this cycle so badly. I feel like such a failure. One good thing is that I got my eyes opened! I was "trying" this out before. It was an experiment to see if I would feel better. I felt better all right. I thought better. I had more energy. I coped better. I was more diplomatic in life's sticky situations. I was more patient with my family. I was less critical of myself. I was more laid back. All around I liked myself better. No sugar for the rest of my life overwhelms me to tears. I was wondering if I was really sugar sensitive... I got my flippin answer, lol.
I know I am being candid. I just feel alone, and I figured if I did, there is probably somebody else out there that feels like me. Thanks for listening...