Hi Laura,
I feel I'm going through very similar emotions and realizations about me and my life...
I've been so strong... so weak... so independent... yet so helpless in many ways. I've always felt I'm a black and white kind of person.. like I've got two completely different personality traits that shouldn't even be able to exist in the same person. I suppose this wasn't exactly what you meant though
I've had to deal with abuse and so many other issues in my past that I've almost lost count..
I believe after I started Step1, I was able to think about my issues without being overwhelmed by the feelings attached to them. I was able to see that some of the bad things that have happened to me was not my fault and some of them (when I was all grown up) could have been prevented if I just had been able to think about my own needs before anyone else's. The learned helplessness, for instance, has been with me all my life and I'm certain it is one of the biggest reasons why I haven't had the guts to stand up for myself... I'm sorry if I'm going on blabbering about myself
I wish I could offer more support, but all I have is my own experiences in life... We're all here to help and support you in every way we can
-Petra-