Hi all. I used to be here some months ago under a different name.

I started Step one about a year ago. Familiar story, I know - rushed through the steps up to Step 4 and had a huge 3 week sugarfest, abandoned my journal... and came back. I was advised to start over at step one, so I did.

Since then, I have started over and got to step 3 or 4 a few times. Then I decide I need to go on a diet, or that I am sick of worrying about my food all the time, or I get depressed and craving and go with it. So I leave the plan, then come back to step one. Truthfully I get spooked at step 3 or 4, because I know getting rid of white food and sugar is coming, and I don't really want to do that. Or I REALLY don't want to do it.

My most recent "fall" took place in June. My oldest son got married (which is a happy thing - I enjoyed the wedding and love his wife). But since then I have been so depressed I am having trouble functioning. Time passing, and having my kids grow up and move on seems to have me in tears half the time and when I am not crying I am picking fights with my poor husband.

Breakfast is the one thing I have kept steady, so I am starting to journal again, and for the first time I am actually seeing things in it. Like, I feel terrible and angry in the evenings if I have coffee and chocolate in the afternoon. I am hoping I can stick to it this time; if I don't feel better soon I may have to consider antidepressants and I so do not want to do that.

Sorry for the long post, I am using my real name now (I used to be called Vanessa which is a nickname my husband used to use), and I am going to try to post every day, even if it is just breakfast and something to be grateful for. Today was oatmeal with protein powder, milk, nuts and strawberries. And coffee. It was delicious. And I am grateful for this forum of people who understand.