Hi; I'm a newbie here, hoping against hope that I can do what this program tells me to do, and further hoping that it'll actually help me. I bought the books several years ago, read them over a weekend ("devoured" them, really, because what they said made so much sense to me), and decided to do the steps.

While I read and understood the exhortation to take the program slowly, one step at a time, somewhere inside myself I was convinced that my case was different: that, since I was in a hurry to lose weight -- and lots of it! -- I'd just exert a boatload of willpower and work the first four steps all at once. That lasted about five days; then I gave up in despair and went on a binge.

I recognize that that has been a pattern for me: impatience to have it all, right away; the desire to be the star pupil, the against-all-odds success story. So I set myself up for failure before I've even started. And, in terms of this program, I put a desire to lose weight over a desire to feel better. Clearly, I had that backward!

What has brought me to this forum? Three things, I guess...

1) Despair. I am, frankly, miserable. I'm about 120 pounds overweight, sedentary, diabetic, struggling with chronic depression, and absolutely unable to control my consumption of junk food, especially sugary foods. I hate the way I look; I hate the way I feel physically (always tired, lethargic, dragging); and I feel helpless to control my sugar addiction and ashamed of my own weakness.

On the brighter side (and there always IS a brighter side)... I must have some little bit of hope inside me, or I wouldn't be writing this to you right now, wouldn't be reaching out in hopes of finding a community of people who understand what I'm experiencing and who can provide advice and support to help me get my bearings.

2) The research. I fit the profile of the sugar addict perfectly; the books make sense to me in a way that other guides don't. I've recently been doing some work/reading on compulsive overeating -- which is clearly also a problem for me -- but the whole idea of eating mindfully just doesn't take into account the concept of addiction to sugar. I CAN'T eat just one ice cream sandwich; it's either none or a whole box. I'm a recovering alcoholic -- quit drinking 20 years ago, which was approximately the same time that I started eating lots of sugary foods. I didn't see the connection at the time, but I certainly do now.

3) The community. I learned early in my recovery from alcoholism that I needed the support of a community of recovering people around me. Isolation will kill me; especially when I'm isolating due to shame about my addiction. I need a place where I can be completely honest about my feelings and my successes and setbacks, and where I know the people who are "listening" to me actually understand what I'm going through.

So, here I am. I'm going to start with Step One (and ONLY Step One); and I'm going to participate daily as a constructive member of this community. I may not have a lot to offer right now (except maybe as a reminder of how miserable it is to hit rock-bottom!), but I'll offer what I can.