Hi Kari,

I am really happy for you. I too am in a really happy relationship now (3 years now) after leaving a 19 year abusive relationship and the difference is amazing. It is great that you have let go because that can be a hard thing to do because those who abuse are often really fragile and vulnerable and it is so easy to feel really sorry for them.

Hope you continue to work through life stuff and discover and understand more about yourself. I like reading your posts.

Happy day,
Fiona

: This post is more about codependency.

: I was in a very emotionally abusive
: relationship for about 12 years.
: (I left that relationship a little
: over 6 years ago). I am pretty
: sure he was SS. Well he moved to
: another country and the other day
: contacted me to buy him an
: airplane ticket back to the
: states. I know he would have paid
: me back but he has no credit card
: to buy an airline ticket. My
: response was sorry cannot help my
: card is maxed out. Which it was –
: I had not sent in my payment yet
: for that month. I got a nasty
: response back calling me a liar.
: And if I did not want to help I
: should just say that. And that he
: could not believe that after all
: these years I would lie to him.
: (One thing about our relationship
: we NEVER lied to each other). The
: email went on and one. I don’t
: even think I read the whole thing.
: It was not worth my time.

: It made me realize that I am so glad
: that being in that type of
: relationship was in the past. The
: anger and frustration I felt when
: I read his email … to think that I
: lived with that type of anger and
: frustration on a daily basis. My
: BF now, in the 6 years we have
: been together, has never raised
: his voice at me and has never said
: one bad or negative thing toward
: me. Getting this email from my ex
: made me realize that I don’t want
: nor do I need that type to energy
: or negativity in my life. I am so
: glad to no longer have that type
: of drama in my life.

: But when I had left that relationship
: I still wanted to be his friend
: because I felt bad that he had
: such a miserable life and no one
: liked him. So I wanted to protect
: him. I remember Vinny at ranch a
: few years ago pointed out that I
: was being codependent. Of course I
: did not agree and was very
: defensive about it. But than I
: realized she was right. I always
: wanted to protect him. We don’t
: have kids together thank goodness
: but we have a dog (I have the dog
: now) and we do keep in contact now
: because of the dog. That dog is
: the only thing that he has ever
: loved in his whole life. I still
: send pics and updates on the dog
: as I know that it helps lift him
: out of his depressive state. But I
: feel that I have finally truly let
: go. Not because I don’t care but
: because I don’t want that type of
: negativity in my life what so
: ever.

: Kari