Okay all -

I'm admitting it - I am pouting. I was jumping into step two with both feet and I felt great. So connected to my body - this hour by hour check in was a new world. I was feeling so grounded, I was making some great choices, I felt like I had some control over my emotions and life.

And then I had ten days of some major stress at work. (I'm a lawyer. I had to meet a hard deadline to pull together an enormous proposal that was based on input from a lot of others).

Well,it was great at first. I was handling the whole thing so much better because of my journal and being more solid on food. I was breathing a lot and taking things really pretty calmly. Then I was journaling my body's stress responses and then I noticed myself eating more sugar and then I was getting distressed and just let go of the journal and crash! I did great with work but my kids are so sad I was gone so much, my partner's exhausted, I'm exhausted, and I feel like I"m starting all over with step 2 (kept eating breakfast through all this at least - yay!)

So now it's been a week of recovering. And I'm having a lot of trouble picking the journal up again. I'm mad at myself more than anything - I let myself down. And I've got another big deadline at the end of July and will probably do it again when things get rough. And it makes it so hard to even try.

But what else can I do? I glimpsed something really neat there for a... Whoa. I just looked at my journal. I haven't been feeling that connection but when I look at the pages I've actually written so much more consistently in the last week than ever before.

Wow, maybe the sky isn't falling quite so much. Maybe I just get to be learning..... And maybe that blissfulness I'm missing wasn't the program at all but some BE building up from the stress????

Ok, I'm confused... but thanks for listening all!!