Sometimes it takes something like this to get us motivated/or to understand how important a step is. I can tell you these feelings didn't come out of no where. This is where the journal is good. We can Look back and see if maybe our meal was late, or not enough protein or a beige instead of a brown. Or maybe that brown doesn't agree with is. All part of the great healing we learn about ourselves. Chloe

If this is what it takes to get me to
: journal than be it.

: I really wish I had my journal to
: reflect back on. Tonight is the
: worst I have felt in the three
: years of being on the program.
: Started about 7:00 tonight. Just
: came out of the blue, nothing
: triggered it. I feel emotional,
: angry, depressed, anxious (the low
: level kind. The one that is just
: right there under the surface).
: Just down right unhappy. Yes at
: times I feel all those things
: above but never at the same time.
: I also have a headache creeping
: on. I don't get those often. And
: it is at a time where my BEs are
: at their highest so at this time
: of the month I normally feel the
: best.

: Had a conversation with my Aunt about
: the program and she was very
: encouraging about everything -
: wanting me to get back to myself
: and back to where I had been.
: Wants me to really focus on the
: program. Towards the end of our
: conversation she said, 'you are
: going to be fine. Everything is
: going to be all right. I am
: sending you a hug right over the
: phone'. I hung up the phone (and
: not being a crier) I bawled and
: bawled, thinking is this what it
: feels like to have a Mother?

: Went for a walk with the dogs to get
: some fresh air. The whole time I
: was walking all I could think of
: was my journal. I have done the
: journal in the past because it was
: part of the program. I have also
: done it because I loved it and
: wanted to journal. None of those
: times stuck with me. Now I see how
: important it is and that I NEED to
: do it. I think I am seeing it in a
: different light.

: Kari