If this is what it takes to get me to journal than be it.

I really wish I had my journal to reflect back on. Tonight is the worst I have felt in the three years of being on the program. Started about 7:00 tonight. Just came out of the blue, nothing triggered it. I feel emotional, angry, depressed, anxious (the low level kind. The one that is just right there under the surface). Just down right unhappy. Yes at times I feel all those things above but never at the same time. I also have a headache creeping on. I don't get those often. And it is at a time where my BEs are at their highest so at this time of the month I normally feel the best.

Had a conversation with my Aunt about the program and she was very encouraging about everything - wanting me to get back to myself and back to where I had been. Wants me to really focus on the program. Towards the end of our conversation she said, 'you are going to be fine. Everything is going to be all right. I am sending you a hug right over the phone'. I hung up the phone (and not being a crier) I bawled and bawled, thinking is this what it feels like to have a Mother?

Went for a walk with the dogs to get some fresh air. The whole time I was walking all I could think of was my journal. I have done the journal in the past because it was part of the program. I have also done it because I loved it and wanted to journal. None of those times stuck with me. Now I see how important it is and that I NEED to do it. I think I am seeing it in a different light.

Kari