Thanks everyone for the support. It is really helpful to feel community.

I went over the feelings/emotional column of my journal for the few days prior to the binge. If I read between the lines, I see a lot of resentment and anger of having to push the sugar to meal time. My diseased brain still wants to be a "wild party boy" and go for the crazy drama of the SUPER BE hit. Of course we all know where this leads. It seems this is part of my struggle.

As I progress with RR I get resentful like a bratty kid and then want to act out. Eventually I seem to have a break through and get back on track or move forward to be exact. Maybe there is some acceptance here that this is part of my journey.

Jeffrey

: I had been doing pretty good since
: beginning the program in November
: with about 5 weeks on Step three.
: Then BAM I went on a 3 day sugar
: bender. All day for 72 hours. I
: haven't done that for years. I
: reviewed my journal and could not
: pick up any physical clues. Mental
: yes. I was feeling depressed and
: wanted an escape, but even that
: went away the few days before the
: binge. This despite adding extra
: protein at breakfast and the
: browns at night (which were
: missing). Maybe I was having a
: hard time feeling
: "steady"? Not a clue
: what premeditated this...

: Of course I am a mess and am full of
: self loathing, etc. So where do I
: pick up the pieces? Go back to
: step 1 or just jump in and get
: back on step 3 where I was/am?

: Thanks
: Jeffrey