Hey there Kiki,

Hang in there girl. I know the out of control feeling and it is tough ... but you can get through this by just keeping doing breakfast. Then when you are ready add Step 2, etc and at the end of it you will be so happy you just took each little step. Going through tough times like this is hard and it is hard to take steps forward. But keep breakfast going ... just focus on doing that one thing.

It is early days for us both and sometimes we don't see the progress we are making day to day. It is only after a few months that we look back and say "Wow, I used to do that and don't anymore" and "I don't feel like this anymore" and really see the progress we have actually made. And then we will feel such a sense of achievement and be encouraged to continue.

There are so many here with your story ... who started just like you did with the struggle and with the out of control feelings and the addiction and all that it brings. And so many of those here have now been here and steady and calm and "radiant" for years. You (we) can do it too even though it can seem like that far off unreachable goal. ... it takes time to work through the Steps but we can choose to work forwards ... time passes anyway and we can choose to heal, to put one foot in front of the other and do one Step at a time.

I will write in your message too

oh dear, I'm a terrible mess at the
: moment. I am at the point where,
: if it isn't for RR, I don't know
: what I'l do...the sugar addictions
: are ruining my life. I can't think
: straight, I feel like I just
: emotionally eat sugar all the time
: but also it's definitely a
: brain-behaviour connection because
: unlike normal people I can't
: stop...I feel so guilty to admit
: that, I mean heck...I'm 27,
: shouldn't I have this willpower?
: Discipline myself? But I don't..=(

That's because it's not a discipline thing. I'm sure you have all the discipline in the world but if your body is working against you you need to heal it first.

: Do you mind I ask how old you are,
: and how long have you been working
: the RR plan?

I don't mind at all. I am now 45. I first started RR on 1 January 2009 and worked through the steps and became really steady around May/June and stayed really steady until about October/November I think and then gradually slipped. My biggest slip though was stopping posting and not asking for help. I came back to Step 1 three weeks ago after knowing for a long time that I wanted to but just not taking that first step. I am so happy I am here again. I know what awaits. It feels really good to feel steady.

: Thankfully I'm allergic to tree nuts
: (except coconut, and of course
: peanuts but those are legumes) but
: yes, the PB gets me into trouble.
: So for now I have to avoid it. I
: hope I will reach a point in
: recovery when I can learn to have
: it again..

Yes, I have (mostly) avoided buying pb too.

: I'm happy you ended that
: relationship, the last thing you
: need and deserve is any more
: hardship and toxicity...fighting
: these sugar blues is hard enough!
: You sound like you've made so much
: progress, that's very inspiring =)

Me too, and yes I do feel I have made progress and am so thankful.

: I'm STILL on step 1, feel depressed
: because I started this in April
: and after a month I feel like I
: haven't progressed at all. I'm
: very hard on myself, I just want
: to give up so much at times,
: because it is indeed tough to stop
: the sugars, stop all the things
: that I've been doing, god knows -
: my entire life now!

Is there anything (anything at all ... even something little) that you can see that is a positive change Kiki? You have nothing to lose if you keep going Kiki. All you have to keep doing is breakfast. You are feeling emotions and thoughts from a sensitive body. They aren't the real you. The real you will emerge if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you quit, you lose even the chance of moving forward at all.

AND you don't have to stop sugar and everything you have been doing up to this time. You keep doing everything else as you always have. If you can (and I know it is hard) see if you can just continue having what you normally have during the rest of the day after breakfast.

I am talking to myself as well as to you

: Breakfast is challenging because I
: still feel so blah when I wake up
: and never that appetite...so I'm
: thinking I have to keep forcing it
: as a habit, and maybe the appetite
: would kick in eventually.

I don't really know how to help you here ... I can only say from the emails on the Yahoo Step One breakfast list breakfast seems to come easier at different times for different people. I know that for myself I am getting out of bed much easier and wanting breakfast now whereas when I started it was tough and I had to forceably make myself have it because all I really wanted was a coffee.

Maybe, it will just have to be a habit for you until you master more Steps and the appetite will kick in later??

: Is even a little sugar and coffee
: right now, not a good idea? What
: about black coffee and black tea
: unsweetened?

Yes, coffee and sugar are fine ... make it how you love it and really enjoy it. Sometimes when I stop the guilt and think to myself that "yes I am craving (whatever it is) ... I will just get my favourite and really enjoy it because I am going to eat it anyway."

I know it seems that everyone just says "breakfast, breakfast, breakfast, and don't worry about anything else you eat" but it does make sense to listen to those who have been successful and steady for years.

: Thanks Fiona! SOrry to ramble on but
: yes, I need all the help I can get
: lol!

Keep posting (it wasn't a ramble at all) and hang in there girl ... you can do it. I would love to hear of something ... even small that you have noticed is a positive change. That would give me and I am sure others encouragement too.

And I would love to hear about something you really love to do ... your most favourite thing in the world? Oh, ... and what is your favourite breakfast?

Fiona