Hi Nicole,

That is a really encouraging post ... I really admire that you had the courage to post and ask for help when things were going backwards. I loved reading about all the things that you felt when you were steady. There were some there that I remember feeling when I was steady briefly back in 2009 but when I slipped I didn't post like you did to get help. So while you have slipped that is a huge positive in itself

: Thanks Jane :)
: I worked up to Steps 6 and was
: blissfully there for 8 weeks with
: no error. Sugar crept back in over
: the course of 2 weeks and now
: another 2 weeks from there, I'm
: back to square one and skipping
: breakfast and having a very hard
: time putting on the brakes. But I
: think I see some light now thanks
: to family support, this forum
: (including a little tough love
: from Kathleen) and reflecting on
: the happiness indicated in my food
: journal. I'm going to boil and
: refrigerate a couple dozen eggs
: tonight and from now on I'm
: putting aside time on Sundays to
: have my breakfasts made for the
: week. I think even as horrible as
: I am in the mornings, installing a
: grab and go regimen will make it
: possible for me to stay on track
: with Step 1 indefinitely.

: Experiencing that kind of
: food-journal-documented calm makes
: it really hard to not want to get
: back there somehow, so I am
: finding a little braking function
: there. There were many benefits I
: hadn't remembered until last
: night-- my home office got cleaned
: for the first time in four years
: when I was off sugar, all my
: relationships were better, I was
: much more "available" to
: the needs of others around me
: which made me very happy inside.
: It was really a great place so now
: instead of focusing on my
: "failure", I'm focusing
: on how good it was to be free and
: how I can't accept giving that up
: just so I can feel guilty and
: crappy for another week. There's
: no winning in that so I'm gonna
: get over myself and "do the
: food." When I failed, I let
: myself believe that I didn't want
: it bad enough, but now I realize
: that if I didn't want it bad
: enough, I wouldn't be so upset
: when I defaulted-- in the future I
: intend to use that energy to get
: back up and go back to the drawing
: board :)