Hi everyone, this is my third go at starting. My first one was back in 2008 I think when I started all the steps at once ... you know dive in "boots and all" and then crash 'n burn .

Then at the beginning of 2009 I started again but properly. I was already sugar free and had quit caffeine. Learning how to eat properly in the steps was really good. I felt better and clearer. I was able to clear out the junk out of the house (there wasn't a real lot but there was some). I became more confident. I was, at the time in an abusive marriage with a narcissist which had been really confusing but finally became clearer as I healed. I was able to free myself from this unhealthy relationship six months after I had started the first step. I had progressed to step 7 by this time. I stuck to the food during this tumultuous time knowing that I really needed to to keep steady and have the ability to do everything I needed to do.

I am sure doing the food helped but I did still feel the effects of the stress of the separation. I wasn't sleeping well and I was feeling wired all the time. I also had a 14 year old aspergic boy and an 11 year old who was struggling with dealing with his brother's meltdowns and the separation. The marital home was sold, finances settled and I bought a townhouse for myself and my boys. I started to slip after a few months. The potato went, the coffee came back. Then the sugar and the occasional bailey's nightcap.

The divorce was also stressful. As was moving house and then buying a townhouse (happy also though).

...

I am now married to a wonderful man. I now know what it is like to be loved and I feel loved. I now know what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. It is my sunny life after my dark life.

On the whole I have mostly managed to keep protein with every meal so I guess that much is a positive. But I know that I don't feel as good as I did when I was on Step 6/7. I have some of the low blood sugar, low serotonin and low beta endorphin feelings. And I have some healing to do. My adrenals need healing. My body temperature is too low and I know that I need to get back to the really steady feeling I had at Step 6/7.

So I am starting with Step 1 again and am here to just say hi.

Fiona