Dear Liz,

I'm afraid all I can offer you is my own perspective. You see, I grew up with an alcoholic father. He died many years ago, due to complications - he was very sick near the end, and ended up in hospital, and died there. However, what really killed him was the alcohol.

Anyway, what we found helped was that he joined the AA - Alcoholics Anonymous - and my mom went to Al-Anon, and I went to Alateen. What helps with this group is that you get a chance to talk about everything that happens, nobody judges you, and the talking also helps you heal. Not only that, you learn that you're not the only person with an alcoholic in the family! Mind you, the main thing I learned there was how to detach. Somehow, belonging to Alateen, and later Al-Anon, you learn to separate the alcoholic from his/her behaviour when he/she is/is not drinking. You learn when it's the alcoholic doing the things you don't like, and that type of thing. I think that also helps you cope with the situation.

Okay, in my case, he never really managed to curb the addiction to alcohol, but it helped us all cope with it.

I suggest you join Al-Anon, as that will probably help you learn to detach from the situation. If he joins AA, great! If not, at least you'll learn to detach from things, and have other people to talk to who know what you're going through.

I hope this helps.

Amanda G in South Africa

I bought another copy
: several weeks ago and have
: successfully worked through to
: Step 3, which I've found to be
: more of a challenge than I
: expected. (I work at home, so
: snacking is far too easy.) But I
: also have the added complication
: of being married to someone with a
: drinking problem. I'm having a
: hard time separating my
: biochemically induced emotions
: (which are all over the place
: right now) from normal
: disappointments/frustrations
: related to his problem. Yes, we
: are tackling that problem as well
: and I've received plenty of
: support and counseling, the main
: theme of which is to try to take
: care of myself. I'd hoped that
: working on my sugar addiction
: would do just that, but it's twice
: as challenging to stick to my plan
: when he doesn't stick to his.

: Any advice out there from people
: who've learned how to keep life
: issues like this from sabotaging
: your own recovery?

: Liz