: When I first found this web site in
: 2008 I read an article of
: Kathleen's about learned
: helplessness and feeling safe and
: the connection to addiction. I
: printed it out and re-read it now
: and then, trying to understand it
: all better. I know it's talking
: about me.

: Kathleen says we are born with low
: levels of beta-endorphins. I've
: read often how some of you try to
: cultivate beta-endorphins through
: various activities and
: experiences. When I try to think
: of anything in my life that could
: rival sugar as a BE raiser I can
: only come up with two. I suppose
: as I progress through the program
: and sugar starts to decrease then
: it will be easier to find things
: to take it's place in the BE
: department. Is that how it works?

: I never felt safe growing up and I'm
: an introvert so early on I got
: into the habit of retreating to my
: room. Now I'm living in the same
: house and sleeping in the same
: room as in high school and I still
: have a strong pull to retreat to
: my room, only now it's with sugar.
: I think about it every day.

: I'm not blaming my behavior on living
: in this house with my mother. If I
: was in some other circumstance I
: would still want to retreat and
: binge. But so many memories are
: connected with this house and they
: are all bad.

: Kathleen's article says that
: "You can unconsciously be
: drawn to abusive situations
: because the abuse evokes the
: comfort of beta-endorphins."
: I'm wondering if that's what's
: happening as I live here with my
: mother. I'm recreating that
: feeling of not being safe because
: it's familiar and I get comfort
: from that familiarity in a weird
: way.

: At the end of the article Kathleen
: says "Learned helplessness
: usually means that your first line
: of action is to retreat and
: isolate-the worst things you can
: do". I understand that, I
: know that's what I do. I've spent
: my whole adult life wanting to
: hide. And on the other hand I got
: married, raised two kids, put
: myself through graduate school,
: even went to Europe alone. I
: couldn't have done those things
: without "coming out of my
: room". I often feel like
: there's a war inside my head, two
: equally strong parts of my
: personality pulling me in
: different directions.

: I have felt like therapy is the only
: way out, like Kathleen says, and I
: spent years in therapy. But I also
: understand now that there's the
: bio-chemical part of it.

: I'm talking in circles. I've started
: writing this I don't know how many
: times. It may be that I don't have
: to understand all this, I just
: need to stay with the program and
: it will sort itself out.

: But I'd like your feedback about
: this. I'd like to understand it
: better, to know what others have
: done with the
: beta-endorphin/learned
: helplessness/safety part of this
: sugar sensitive thing. What have
: you done, what has worked, what
: have you learned, how have you
: changed?

: Gigi

: PS I recently read an article on the
: internet "Top Ten Myths About
: Introverts". I can't figure
: out how to put a live link into
: this but if you type in that title
: you'll find it. It has really
: helped me to understand myself
: better.

Hi Gigi,

I suspect you may not like my response to this question.
You are trying to understand something intellectually that is an experiential process.

Doing the steps heals the BE.

And healing the BE is step 6 and 7.

if you do the program, you will get clear. And then when you are biochemically settled, you deal with stuff like living with your mother. And It is almost impossible to do that work unless you do.

I think a lot of time ss people get drawn into the *drama* of the life stuff rather than the boring stuff like just doing the steps

Kathleen