Hi everyone,

I recently got an e-mail from Kathleen checking in to see how I was doing on the program and I decided to post about my struggles.

To recap, I came across RR in January and immediately read all the books and connected with so much. I leaped into step 1 and went through the steps too quickly because it "felt right". I was so sick of feeling lousy and was ready for a change. I got to step 6 in about 6 weeks and because I had a four day weekend, I decided to detox. At that point I had been 3 meals with protein, brown, veggies and only having sugar after meals. I detoxed and about one week later had a major BE crash. I couldn't get out of bed for 2 days. So I asked for help and was told to go back to step one and go slowly...

I have been re-doing step one for over a month now and feel like I am only moving backwards. I added back in sugar and just like that am back to bingeing. I got the 4 parts of breakfast down - I eat within 30 minutes of waking every day, I have 2 eggs, 2 pieces of Ezekial toast and 1 scoop of Restore with unsweetened choc almond milk and a splash of sweetened choc almond milk. That has not wavered. I even went away for a weekend and have been out to breakfast and that has been fine.

But now I am bingeing all other meals and starting to lose my appetite for breakfast. It use to be enjoyable and now I am forcing myself to eat. I have gained even more weight, have gotten more depressed and feel ready to give up and try the paleo diet again. I know long term that I need to keep doing the steps but I just don't have the patience and I am so tired of feeling so badly.

I feel puffy, bloated and just lost in my body. I have been embarrassed to do much because of my weight. I feel like my #1 priority is losing weight. I know logically that any diet I do will just fail because of my brain chemistry, but I don't feel like I have years to get through the steps. I want to lose weight now. I want to feel better now. I don't know how much longer I can go on otherwise. It is starting to interfere with my daily life and I really don't want to go on anti-depressants.

I know that this program works and I know it would help me a lot. But I just can't relax into the steps when I keep feeling worse. I can't help worrying about my weight and depression. I can't get past my sugar sensitive tendencies.

I feel hopeless!