Hi Kari,

I really relate to what you are saying about wanting to exercise normally. As I'm reading your posts, it's bringing up thoughts for me about 'What is normal exercise?'

For me, normal means comfortable, stable, and beneficial. I wonder if the exercise options that seem uninteresting to you are simply the ones that wouldn't spike you - the normal options - and it sounds like the appealing exercise is very intense and might 'hook' you into non-normal/unhealthy feelings and behaviors.

I could be off base, but I know for me when something is very spiky and sticky like that, I can't do it normally.

I wonder what benefits you are looking for from exercise. I hear you saying you want to prove something to yourself. How about proving that you can enjoy and benefit from exercise that is perhaps less intense? I wonder if there is something you can do at home on your own schedule that would feel gentle and refreshing. You mentioned yoga - could you do a yoga tape at home?

Just some thoughts. I know you will find what feels right and healthy and works for you. :)
Bevy

: I am really torn on this. You know I
: value your opinion more than
: anything. You have never steered
: me wrong. And I know you are
: right, I can not argue that.

: Exercise wise it is the only thing
: that even sounds interesting to
: me. The thought of going to the
: gym (we have access to four gyms
: as part of our HOA) just makes me
: only want to stay home. So I want
: to find something I can do at
: home. I used to do yoga at the
: studio until I had to stop but
: that is hard because you have to
: work around their schedule. At
: home I can work around my meal
: schedule.

: I know I will not push it to the
: extreme (at least that is what the
: healing me is thinking). Because
: that spiky feeling scares me now.
: But with my history of exercise
: addiction... I am just torn. I
: want to do this to prove to myself
: that I can do it with out letting
: it consume me. To exercise
: normally with out pushing myself
: to the limit. but I am also afraid
: that it is like saying oh I feel
: good I am healing what can one
: cookie hurt. I am very torn. I
: know I need to add exercise to my
: program I need to learn to do it
: in a healthy way with out doing it
: obsevisly but I think with me that
: is the concern with just about any
: exercise program.

: Kari