Hi, so, so sorry about your mom. You and she will be in my thoughts. I think taking the time to reach out and write shows so much courage and yearning toward healing. I completely understand.
Best wishes,
Janine

: Hi everybody,

: It's been a long time since I've
: posted. I've thought about it a
: hundred times.

: One day I came here to read and
: everyone sounded so upbeat and
: optimistic and successful - I
: couldn't take it.

: I want to be one of the success
: stories here, I want to be a
: winner, I want to be one of the
: people who has been able to change
: her life because of this program.
: And I haven't felt like that in a
: long time. I knew my program was
: falling apart when I realized I
: was eating fritos for breakfast.

: It's impossible to talk about myself
: without including my mother.
: She'll be 95 next month and I am
: her primary caretaker. At one
: point I noticed that in my journal
: all I ever wrote was
: "exhausted and
: overwhelmed". So I stopped
: writing.

: I've lost track of how many of my
: doctors appointments I've
: cancelled in the last six months.
: That scares me a lot.

: The reason I'm here today is because
: we have a home health aid starting
: to come here two afternoons a week
: and I'm feeling a little
: optimistic.

: In my life, if there is a problem or
: some kind of uphill climb, I work
: hard on it and usually see
: progress or improvement. Taking care
: of my mother is the opposite, she
: gets weaker and more dependent
: every day. There's more to do,
: more paper work, more doctors,
: more meds, a stay in the hospital
: now and then, more bowling pins to
: keep in the air at one time.

: I'm hoping that I can stay engaged
: with everyone here but I honestly
: don't know.

: Thanks for listening.

: Gigi