Joy dot: that first gulp of shake after fasting for blood tests.

I think you took away some good lessons from this. I don't expect everyone to understand my eating habits, but I do want my needs to be respected. A relationship where I feel pressure to drink or eat foods I didn't want to wouldn't work for me.

You may not find someone who understands, but you should find someone who is supportive. Taking responsibility for your own needs will help with that. I am pretty flexible about finding a solution so my husband can eat what he wants and I can have my own version. The other day he wanted to make quesadillas, and I am trying to eliminate gluten. So I made the filling and added in some cooked brown rice, and he had his on a whole wheat tortilla. And we were both happy. If I hadn't had cooked brown rice, I would have cooked up a potato or opened a can of black beans. I like to keep lots of options around at home.

It also helps to know what restaurants work for me. For instance, if my friends want to eat Italian, I know of two restaurants that have program friendly options And I know what my other choices are. So it doesn't have to be restrictive for people I socialize with.

It sounds like you just had the wrong man. Now you can work on your skills so when the right one comes along, you don't have to be tripped up with food issues.
Allison

: Hi folks,

: I ´d like to share a story from a few
: weeks ago... just to get it off my
: chest, I guess, and also because I
: had been feeling a bit shaken
: confidence-wise by it and am
: hoping to hear from poeple who
: understand.

: I was dating a guy in January and
: early February. I am on the move a
: lot so the whole relationship
: thing unfortunately has been very
: difficult (I am more the longterm
: type of person, can ´t see the
: point in short term things), so I
: was happy I had met somebody who I
: thought was promising.

: However, he just didn ´t get the food
: thing I am doing. I tried to
: explain at the beginning but it
: seems like it didn ´t reach him,
: and he was trying to tell me he
: thought I was, basically, just
: being something between neurotic
: and nuts. There are two incidences
: that made me feel like he didn ´t
: take my nutrition beliefs
: seriously, which in turn made me
: feel like he wasn´t taken ME
: seriously:

: 1) When we ate out and I was going
: for what was the best option for
: me, instructing the waiters (the
: country I am in is not the easiest
: in the aspect of wholemeal and
: vegetarian foods), he tried to get
: me to eat French Fries off his
: plate. And I mean, almost bullied
: me into it - just wouldn´t let off
: until I, very unnerved, took one.
: He was trying to make me see
: "that nothing happens to you
: when you eat this".

: 2) In the supermarket, when he was
: suposed to cook for me one day,
: although I told him I don ´t eat
: white pasta, he still bought it
: (there is no brown pasta here).
: Then when I told him I wouldn´t
: eat it he shrugged his shoulders
: as if saying "suit
: yourself". We ended up not
: spending that afternoon together,
: as I had shortly afterwards thrown
: a tantrum and stormed off.

: Looking back now, a good month later,
: I realized two things:

: 1) As for the supermarket incident, I
: was in victim mode. I was feeling
: unloved (and yeah, I was). Instead
: of buying brown rice (which was
: the only option available for a
: brown) and cooking something for
: myself, then accompanying him with
: his pasta dish, I felt done to and
: ran away. By the time we were
: grocery shopping in the
: supermarket, it was past 4pm and I
: hadn´t eaten lunch, which partly
: explained why I had a meltdown
: shortly afterwards. He told me to
: stop acting like a child (I was
: indeed acting like a child, lol)
: and made a rude remark about my
: "stupid eating
: patterns", to which I spat
: back "it´s YOU who has stupid
: eating patterns" (you go,
: Andrea, great comeback!) and after
: that there wasn´t all that much
: communication anymore for the day.
: Had I respected my lunch time and
: taken care of myself, I wouldn ´t
: have been so unstable. I might
: have been able to explain to him,
: again and in more detail perhaps,
: why I am eating the way I do. I
: might have provided for myself
: instead of relying on him and then
: blaming him when he didn ´t
: accomodate me. When my food is
: off, I am unrecognizable to myself
: sometimes, and well, I can
: understand how that wouldn ´t be
: very appealing to someone new (or
: old, in that case).

: 2) In our break-up talk a few days
: later (are you really surprised?)
: he said as one of the main reasons
: that I am "too much
: drama" and he couldn´t handle
: my mood swings and that he thought
: me "too rigid with (my) food
: which transcends into other life
: areas as well" (basically
: saying I am a no-fun person... I
: don ´t drink whereas he drinks
: almost daily. He said that the
: thought of "never being able
: to share a glass of wine with
: (me)" just turned him off as
: it was such a lifestyle factor for
: him).

: I did brood over this conversation in
: the next week or so after that.
: When I told him my moods that day
: were caused by not feeling
: accepted/respected and by being
: "hangry" (hungry+angry;
: food being off) I don t think he
: really bought it. After he had
: left I was angry at myself and sad
: and disturbed, thinking, "can
: ´t I just be more normal? Maybe I
: would have an easier time dating
: and keeping people by my side if I
: were less difficult with food... I
: could have a glass of wine, couldn
: ´t I? I could eat ice cream
: because that is the sociable,
: normal, easy thing to do?!"
: and I felt ashamed. Ashamed
: because I had been acting like a
: five year old that didn ´t get a
: treat at the suprmarket. Ashamed
: because maybe I really was too
: "rigid",
: "un-fun", obsessed with
: my food choices. Ashamed because I
: was weird and unloveable - in
: someone else ´s eyes.

: Well, it is a month later and I am
: back on track. It ´s not me, it ´s
: him is what I now believe... These
: are the three things I have taken
: from this episode (yeah, I am a
: numbering-person):

: 1. I am the only one responsible for
: taking care of myself - making
: sure I get the right food at the
: right time. Thankfully, I can make
: my own choices always, and I know
: myself and know what works and
: what doesn ´t. If I don ´t respect
: myself in this way, can I really
: expect someone else to do so?

: 2. I am special indeed, both with my
: food convictions and my
: "rigidness" in applying
: them. To some, this might seems
: restrictive and
: "funless", but what it
: really is to me is looking out for
: myself and standing up for myself
: and taking care of myself and
: being true to myself.

: 3. I really only want to be with
: someone who respects my needs and
: beliefs and doesn ´t try to change
: me against my will. Or change me
: at all. I have wonderful people in
: my life who accept my food issues
: and accomodate them without making
: a fuss around them or giving me
: the impression they think I am
: weird.