Oh, Andrea, thank you for sharing your story. What strength you have to realize the things you have figured out about yourself. It was, most definitely, him - NOT you! So sorry you had to feel unloved, but that was clearly what was going on; there was no love coming from that guy.
The more you do the food, the easier it will be to take care of you, and I believe you will find someone who respects your strength and willingness to take care of yourself.

Dodi