Hi everyone. It has been months now that I have been trying to get step one under my belt. Still dont have it down, but I am inching towards victory. I sampled some breakfast meats and realized that I like canadian bacon the best. So I went to Costco and got a bunch of that. But I dont have time on the days I work to make breakfast so I was still experimenting with my shake. Come to find out it was the tofu making me have that overwhelming feeling and when I leave out the tofu, I am fine. So my shake is with the protein powder, almond milk, 1/2 cup oatmeal and a handful of chard and then I eat a stringcheese stick with it. This seems to be working for me on the days that I work. Only thing is I do not make it within the 1 hour, but like I said I am inching towards that. The other days I feast on canadian bacon, eggs and Ezekiel sprout bread. I soooo enjoy these days that I look forward to them all week. I do like my shake but am too busy working in the morning to really stop and enjoy so it works great for me. It is kind of fun to look forward to my 3-day weekend and all my eggs and toast and bacon. So, I think I got breakfast, other than the time, down.

I am doing pretty good with the other meals. I am not on that step yet but I dabble with trying to do it. I read Your Last Diet and love that book. It does not go into as much detail as PNP. What I liked was that it talked about all this other stuff other than dieting. It really is a long process and I can now see that that long process is what works. It is just not a quick fix. I wish sooo much I could lose the weight. But if I went on some weird diet that promised me 20 pounds in a month I know deep down I would gain it back. I would not have learned the lessons. After about 4 months of eating the high protein I can see a subtle change in what I want. When my body starts wanting to binge, I can now "see" what the sugar will do and I dont want that kind of high any more. Someone shone a light on what was really happening, it was not a nice place that my brain was running to, it was not comfort food, it was not really that great of a feeling so why was I killing myself to try to get there.....all it was was some brain chemicals and there is another avenue, another feeling that is better so why not get myself to that place instead. For some reason, these days I have a choice. Before I felt chained. So for this I am truly grateful and thank you Kathleen and all the people on this board who just keep on writing and keep on listing the steps for breakfast over and over. Each time I read them I am amazed at how simple it really is.... but it aint easy.

I did try cooking up the green chard and the rainbow chard and oh it was sooo good and now I have a new favorite vegetable. I love it. I really never expected it to be that good. Plus I can put it in my shake and it does not change the flavor. So I can actually have a green with my breakfast. For my lunches I have been eating tuna, string cheese and yogurt....not all at one lunch but those are my staples, and carrots. For dinner I have been grilling chicken or slow cooking it and having brown rice and a vege, or make a salad and cut up turkey breast into it. I dont have a lot of ideas and so I hang out here and try to pick some up. I like cottage cheese but it is very high in sodium and I have high blood pressure and try to cut down on that, which makes the canadian bacon kind of a no no but it is hard to find the protein, have it low fat and low sodium. That is why I like the greek yogurt - it is high in protein, low fat low sodium. I eat the fage with the fruit at the side and I have slowly eaten less and less fruit and now hardly have but a half spoonful with the yogurt and I am enjoying the taste of the actual yogurt.

I had a bout of depression for a couple of weeks and was wondering what was wrong. I just kept trudging along with the high protein, brown, etc. and today it seems to be lifting. I realized I am afraid of something happening, anything bad happening. So I live in fear all the time. Instead of realizing that whatever happens, I will be able to cope with it. My goodness, it is not like I have not had bad things happen to me. I got a long list and every time I have coped. So why be afraid every day of what bad thing might happen? Instead I am trying to dwell on the fact that I will handle whatever comes my way, one step at a time. I have had what Kathleen termed as "a sense of dread" for years....waking up with that every morning and not wanting to start my day. Wanting instead to pull the covers up and forget what lies ahead, forget me. But that is getting better also. Still got issues, but things overall seem to be slowly getting better. I am hoping when I get to the potato step that things will get even better.

Well goodnight folks. Thanks for letting me pour all this out.