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May 11, 2015 Hi {!firstname_fix} Today is Mother’s Day here in the US. David is planning breakfast. He went on a quest for strawberries last night and it seems as if many sons throughout Albuquerque were thinking the same thing. So gluten-free waffles and eggs will be on the docket with the strawberries found at our local market. I even found Peet’s coffee at the coop, so that will come too! I will put the French provincial tablecloth on the table and we can look out into the back yard where Mr. Rescue Dog has been searching for small animals so he can pounce on them. I was awakened at 3:30 this morning with Grace insisting she talk with me. I was grumping around about not being able to sleep and then I had this sense of *I WANT TO TALK WITH YOU, GIRL!* So I stopped mentally whining and started listening. Later, I will go work on the writing of 60 Shades of Radiance, LOL. When she talks, I record. I read a blog on Facebook during this last week written by a young woman who stayed in an abusive relationship. It was very well written and I was deeply touched by it. At the end she said, *But don’t ask me why I stayed.* And I thought, *Gosh, that would be just what I would ask,* LOL. I wrote to the people who do the blog and asked them if I might reply and they said to submit something. I did and they wrote back and said, *Yes, but you need to cite your sources.* This made me laugh since it was my original thinking, LOL. I was being irreverent and thought I could footnote Grace, 2010, Albuquerque, NM but I didn’t. I cited Potatoes Not Prozac (smile) and found some other things about misery and opioids. It did remind me of turning in my honors thesis in college and being told the same thing. However, I am including what I sent them here for you to read. Seems apropos for many of us who are awakening. This class will begin Wednesday, May 13, 2015. Please click on the name of the class and it will take you to the registration page:
This class will begin Wednesday, May 20, 2015. Please click on the name of the class and it will take you to the registration page:
A number of you have asked me how the classes work. Check the class list page for more information on this. And please go read the questions and answers before you write to me. If you have trouble getting through the process, write the tech forum. Be sure to visit our Radiant Recovery website and Community Forum regularly. Warmly, Kathleen **********************************************************************
**Quote From Kathleen ** When you feel your worst and can't cope with anything, just go back to eating breakfast with protein every day. **********************************************************************
**Testimonial of the Week ** I love reading about your breakfasts. Nice job planning. :) I used to ride horses, and one of the big things I had to learn was to hold my focus on where I was going. If I was approaching a jump, I looked over the jump instead of at the huge, scary obstacle looming ahead. If I looked at the ground, I ended up on the ground! And if I looked too far ahead, way down the line two or three turns and jumps ahead, my horse might refuse the jump we were actually approaching. And if I looked at all the other distracting things around, my horse got totally distracted, too. Focus made it happen, where fretting and distraction didn't. It sounds like a funny thing, to a less-confident rider like myself, it felt like a miracle. I remember someone once said throw your heart over the fence and your horse will follow. That is pretty much how I did this program. I threw my heart over the step I was on and took the rest of it on faith. No idea if that makes any sense LOL. But it's what I thought of. I think you are doing just great. Jeannie **********************************************************************
** Radiant Recovery® Store **
Hi, I recently was able to buy the Radiant Recovery 3 CD set on the Theory and Practice of Sugar Sensitivity. If you go to the RR store it's the one with the big bright sunflower on it. Someone on one of the lists (I don't remember which one) had mentioned that she was listening to them in the car while driving places. And I thought that was a great idea! So that's what i've been doing this week. And I just wanted to share, if you have not purchased this CD set I highly recommend it. I'm currently working back through the steps and working on step three. I've been in Radiant Recovery since 2000. Back then and for many years I held such enthusiasm for the science and theory of RR. It got me excited and lit up my little heart. Somewhere in this last relapse over the last year or so, I lost that enthusiasm and depression, hopelessness, and a deep grieving took its place. Then when I'd hear someone talk about RR I'd just feel like, ok, whatever. That scared me and made me even more sad. Well, as I've been listening to these CD's my enthusiasm for recovery and the understanding of it has re-lit that spark in my heart. I thought I'd lost it forever, but it's coming back. And that is also helping my step three. I'm more stable on that step right now than I've been in the past year. So now it's like, let's see where can I drive to, LOL! Just so I can listen to the CD's! I might have room on my ipod to load them there too, then I could listen to them on my walks. Well, I just wanted to share this here. It feels so good to feel that enthusiasm and excitement about what is behind our sugar sensitivity once again. Patti Please send questions and suggestions. I love hearing from you and truly want to help you do your program better. **********************************************************************
**Radiant Kitchen ** I love the simplicity of this recipe. It is sort of the same as the heart of the program. Apple SauceThis recipe was contributed by Allison from the Radiant Recovery Community Forum.
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**Radiant YLD ** While we were at Ranch, we had some pretty incredible discussions about *fat terror* and priorities. I think that YLD is the antidote for fat terror (smile)...it calms you and focuses you. I want to write more for those of you who are newbies so you really get what this means. Look for more coming. If you would like to join us in YLD, come find us here **********************************************************************
**Radiant Living ** Another thing we talked about at Ranch was 60 Shades of Radiance. (smile) We created a list. I am working on putting that together too. It will give us LOTS to talk about at chat. If you would like to join us in Radiant Living, come find us here **********************************************************************
**Don’t Ask me Why I Stayed Though ** Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D.
I recently read a blog posted on Facebook in which a young woman wrote about being in an abusive relationship and how it unfolded. Started with a mutual love of bikes, and devolved into a pretty brutal place. I was moved by how articulate the author was in describing her abusive relationship. At the end, she said, *Don’t ask me why I stayed though.* It really struck me. All that insight, but no reflection on what kept her there. I think this is an important question. Abuse is not just about the perpetrator, it is also about the *staying*... I have worked with hundreds of people in abusive situations. And we always talk about *Why you stay.* Certain people have sugar-sensitive brains that come with special wiring.1 We are intuitive, caring, and have a hard time saying no, a hard time setting boundaries. It leads to letting people take advantage of us, walking all over us or hurting us. We have a low tolerance for pain, both emotional and physical. We may feel inadequate, less than, not worth it, not loved, not valued because of our biochemistry. We can be attractive and still feel unacceptable on the inside. When we feel this way, we are drawn to a person or situation that makes us feel accepted. On a molecular level, we will seek out a situation that gives us even a little sense of someone wanting us, someone taking care of us. We feel drawn to the person who makes us feel okay. This is biochemical and it makes it tricky. When we get hurt, our body releases beta-endorphin.2 The beta- endorphin is a painkiller. Our body has it to protect us in the times of danger. If a tiger bites our leg and we need to run, beta-endorphin will over ride the pain and let us get away. When we eat sugar, or drink alcohol, we get a rise in beta-endorphin as well. 3 And for those of us who have low beta-endorphin, we learn very early on that we can find huge comfort in sweet and fat foods. We stop hurting when we have them. Our beta-endorphin levels rise and we feel confident, attractive, valued and accepted.4 Over time, we become attached to the comfort. And we become numb. We do not make the connection that the abuse, the situation causing the pain is also having a chemical effect. When we get hurt emotionally, the same thing happens. Someone yells at us, someone puts us down, if we get hit, or verbally abused, our beta-endorphin level goes up. Our rational brain may tell us this is not okay, but our neurochemical brain actually relies on the feeling of being able to manage that comes from the beta endorphin. It is an anesthetic and an amnesiac. The part of us that says, “I can just sit this out, I am strong,” comes from the rise in beta-endorphin. We feel better; we believe things will be ok. Until the beta-endorphin bath wears off. Then we feel hopeless, inadequate and unable to move. We don’t understand why sometimes we feel so resolute and able to cope and other times, we are paralyzed. And we think that we are the problem. Most likely our abuser tells us that as well. We often hear “if YOU would just....” 5 And the sad thing is, we actually think that is the truth. It fits with how we feel on the inside. We go back, or we stay. We make do because we feel we are not worth more or because we feel we have no skills, no way to support ourselves. We are ashamed that we cannot resolve this. We hide it and act as if things are all right. People tell us that we should get out, we should leave, but we don’t. We say, “Don’t ask me why I stay.” What is that about? On some level we are “hooked” on the dance of beta-endorphin. The fights, the abuse, while on the surface seem horrible, on another level are creating the biochemistry that allows us to function. If we go away and don’t have the “hit” [literally and figuratively], we go into withdrawal. The old feelings of helplessness and inadequacy return.6 So we go back. We cannot see the dynamic. Our friends think you are nuts. We think they do not understand. What is the way out? We heal the biochemistry. The steps outlined in Potatoes Not Prozac,7 something we call “Doing the Food,”, change the biochemistry. We get clear. We start feeling ok and whole and capable. We start seeing the reality of the situation. Our beta- endorphin levels go up. We start saying no to abuse. We say, “This won’t work for me.” We set boundaries. We are even and calm and clear. We don’t need the “hit”. Read that again. We don’t NEED it. We are not hooked on the hit any more. Now, if you haven’t done the food yet, this idea is going to seem totally outrageous to you. How in the world can food have an impact on my abusive boyfriend or boss or parent? This is a BIOCHEMICAL issue. Doing the food alters the biochemistry that makes us feel we deserve being put down or hurt. It alters the dance. So we leave, or we put a stop to it. Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. 1 DesMaisons, K. Potatoes Not Prozac. Simon & Schuster. 2008 2 Miczek KA et al, Opioid-like analgesia in defeated mice .Science, 1982 Mar 19; 215(4539:1520-2. 3 DesMaisons, Ibid. 4 DesMaisons, Ibid. 5 Mousseau, M. Project Medicine Wheel. Pine Ridge, SD. 6 Maier, SF et al, The opioid/nonopioid nature of stress-induced analgesia and learned helplessness .J Exp Psychol Anim Behav Process , 1983 Jan:9(1):80-90. 7 DesMaisons, Ibid. **********************************************************************
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Here are the folks who are helping put the newsletter together:
Gretel, our webmaster, puts it all together. David runs the Radiant Recovery® Store. mosaic contributes to the Notes from the Forum column. ©2015 Kathleen DesMaisons. All rights reserved. You are free to use or transmit this article to your ezine or website as long as you leave the content unaltered, use this attribution: "By Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. of Radiant Recovery®", and notify kathleen@radiantrecovery.com of the location. Please visit the Radiant Recovery® website at http://www.radiantrecovery.com for additional resources on sugar sensitivity and healing addiction. You are getting the weekly newsletter from Radiant Recovery® in response to your signup. A copy of this newsletter may also be found posted on the web at http://www. radiantrecovery.com/weeklynewsletter |
