I'd never have believed you if you'd told me...

...

Posted By: Marina

Well, I type this from the comfort of my sickbed, since I have a Happy New Year virus and am feeling lousy today. Nothing much has changed since Step 7 in how I cope with being ill. I am still an abysmal patient who thinks she is dying of the bubonic plague rather than the common cold. But this is my first cold in 18 months, which is miraculous for someone who always averaged 4 colds a year. I will also grudgingly admit that this one is a lot milder than those I am used to.

I was just reviewing my journal, and to cheer myself up, I thought it would be fun to reflect on some of the post-program changes that I simply would not have believed until I experienced them. Some stuff I expected. VAGUELY feeling better. (How could I feel worse)? Maybe bingeing less (Again, how could I binge more?) Feeling a fraction less crazy (as before, do you see a pattern emerging here?) LOL. But I didn't expect a great deal beyond that.

So fast-forward a couple of years, or one year if we're talking Step 7. Here in no particular order, is my list of big and small surprises.

I would never have believed you if you'd told me:

That my taste buds would be the main part of me to undergo dramatic and wholesale rehabilitation. When I started SARP I was not keen on 85% of foods, and keen on about 15%. Generally those that came laden with fat and sugar. This ratio has now flipped over, and it happened so gradually but it still takes me by surprise how many flavours I can taste now.

That I would feel satisfied at the end of each day, not hungry and dopey and spacey and hurting like dieters are so used to feeling.

That I would go 17 months without a sugar binge. The longest before that was 4 days. I counted. The binges stopped when I finally quit playing coy flirting games with Step 3 and well... shamelessly threw myself at it.

That after an initial gain on Step 3, my weight would stabilize for the first time ever. That I would lose 2 dress sizes over a year without really trying. But note to newbies: this happened INCREDIBLY slowly. I don't weigh myself any more, but I'm guessing about a pound a month. I know it's different for everyone, and I wasn't really overweight, but fluctuated crazily and very unhealthily.

That my beloved tea could ever feel good without the caffeine, and taste sweet without the sugar!

That I would pass my degree, when for 3/4 of it, I had been on course to fail.

That I, who am Not A Responsible Person, could act as an executor for a close family member, tying up all their legal, financial and business affairs pretty much single-handedly. That in the process I would research investments and learn about money and find it fun and empowering, as well as useful for a time in the future when I'm earning enough to invest on my own behalf.

That I would complete a one-month teacher-training course consisting of 18 hour days that I honestly thought would kill me!

That I would have energy all day long, not for a brief window between 11.30am and 3pm if I'm lucky.

That I could ever, ever, EVER be A Morning Person.

That I would buy my first bikini, and start wearing skirts for the first time since I was a little kid.

That I could buy chocolates for someone else, and my mind would actually go blank trying to figure out what brands or flavours might be the best. One kind of connoisseurship I am astonished and glad to have gotten rusty in! That paying for said chocolates, I would feel completely detached, like I was buying yarn for a knitter friend, deluxe nut roast for a vegan buddy, or something else that Other People Do. That I didn't have to buy the chocolates at the last possible minute before handing them over, to stop myself from eating them instead.

That I would become more emotionally honest, and be grown up enough to deal with the consequences.

That I would really, really want to travel. I just didn't feel that same curiosity before I began to heal.

That I would find a career, even two parallel or successive careers, that I am seriously interested in pursuing.

That I would form several great new friendships this year, which have delighted, nourished and inspired me. Previously I averaged one every couple of years. I am so excited about the new people in my life and what they've brought to it.

So, would anyone like to join me on this thread? I would love to hear about the things YOU would never have believed either.

Marina

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Posted By: Delse Date: Monday, 2 January 2006, at 10:11 a.m.

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Hi Marina:

What a great post. I have been detoxed since March, 2005. Here are some of the changes I never expected: (also in no particular order)

That weight would stop being the most important reason to do this program -- healing became much more important. I spent 30 years worrying about weight, and that wasn't the issue at all.

That I could quit alcohol, coffee and diet coke, and not only still have a social life, but have a much better social life.

That I could get through the day without deep fatigue at 3pm. Now I flow through my days.

That I could quit biting my nails (a 40 year plus habit that simply stopped one day this summer)

That I could be kind, rather than cranky on a regular basis.

That I could calmly and rationally run my business, and not let others get me too emotional

That I could meditate. I never could slow down enough to do it, now I can't live without it.

Delse

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Posted By: Chloe In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I would never believe I would stick with a job. I always quit when things got hard. Or I didn't like something or.....you get the picture. Alone those lines I moved a lot. Didn't like neighbors or area or whatever I moved. Now I stop and try to work things out and plan before I move.

That I would reconnect with family that I had removed myself from. I now have healthy boundaries. But am able to be with some of the ones I never thought I could.

That I could give up sugar. That I would stop binging. That I would stop wanting sugar. That I could actually heal.

I find it almost a miracle that I don't obsess anymore. That I can concentrate on tasks. That I can read and comprehend what I have read. School was so hard, now I understand why. That I would learn to keep my mouth shut. (I am still working on that one. But as I do the food and steps it gets better). That I actually think before acting. Impulse control is in my life!!! That my ugly friend irritability is gone. It only surfaces now when program is off. It used to be a big awful part of my day.

Thank you Marina it was good and fun to reflect on these things. Chloe

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Posted By: annnyc42

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Chloe)

Great post Marina,

I also have had many things happen to me in the past four years, that I never would have believed.

I now have normal blood pressure, and no longer take medication to keep it in control.

I no longer get killer migraine headaches.

I no longer get backaches.

I have just patched up a relationship with my aunt, after not speaking to her in about thirty five years. I also reached out to another friend who I didn't speak with in several years.

After healing I can let go of the anger.

I am happy, centered and focused. Life is good and it keeps getting better.

Ann NYC

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Posted By: mosaic

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Great post Marina! I loved reading.

Morning person ?? Out of everything, that is what impressed me most! I loved your whole report but if you can get me to be a morning person I shall put the flags out.

Yet.... in 7 months.... I have gone from dragging myself in a sort of coma, out of bed, unable to speak for an hour at least, to actually waking just before the alarm. Still have to drag self out, but progress.

I would never have believed it that I could go for months without obsessing over my weight and getting weighed three times a day, clothes on/off/lean forwards/get on very slowly/jump off/etc

I would never, ever believe that I would give up caffeine or wine. Still vaguely miss it but feel heaps better mentally without.

Only a couple of things that I don’t quite believe yet, but I will soon, and I’m reminded of - the Red Queen, isn’t it?? - "I always believe six impossible things before breakfast " LOL we CAN believe our impossible things *after* breakfast, there’s a thought.

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Posted By: Jeane

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (mosaic)

Thanks for the great laugh. I got extra exercise laughing over this statement.

I can add to that, go get a new battery for my electronic scale, so I can check to see if the battery is the problem. LOL

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Posted By: Lis

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Hmmm, what an intriguing thread. Let's see...

When I read Potatoes Not Prozac almost 5 years ago now, I would have never believed

That I could not only go a whole day without crying, but weeks, months and years.

That not only would I stop loathing myself, but that self-loathing would go away all by itself, without any effort on my part.

That not only would this program change the way I eat, but that it would do things for my inner self that therapy, books, programs, seminars, groups, affirmations and even medications weren't doing.

* things like my depression evaporating * becoming emotionally stable * not feeling victimized * feeling empowered and strong * being able to face things even when scared

That I would ever LIKE vegetables!

That I would learn to cook

That I would continue to cook, even through mistakes, because the alternative (eating out) was becoming less and less appealing.

That I learn about ingredients, fill my cupboard with spices, and enjoy the process.

That some important relationships would heal, largely because of my own healing.

That my sleep would become regulated.

That I could easily and painlessly wean myself off of caffeine.

That I would go from being almost incapable of getting through an 8-hour workday because of emotional pain, exhaustion, blood sugar fluctuations, and inability to concentrate or focus - to being able to go back to school while still working full-time.

That I would complete my undergraduate education as an adult while still working full-time, hellishly hard as it was, and do really well at it.

That my spiritual life would start to heal, with no overt efforts on my part, and that my spirit would start to open up and search.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. The incredible thing is that, even just ONE of these extra changes, in addition to not having terrible, overwhelming compulsions to eat more Cheetos and Snickers, would have been an unbelievable blessing in my life. That I've instead experienced all of these changes, and there are many more to come - I can feel it - is almost unfathomable.

This year I resolve to re-connect with the forum. As Kathleen has changed my life, I want to be able to hold out my hand and offer a little light and hope to someone else. What a blessing this community is in my life

Lis

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Posted By: Christine

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Lis)

Lis,

You wrote...

That I could not only go a whole day without crying, but weeks, months and years.

My response today just two days into doing the program is that I'm crying. Oh my gosh, is all this really possible by "just" doing the food? I love reading this thread because it gives me such hope. Thanks!

Christine

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Posted By: YB

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I would love to hear about the things YOU would never have believed either:

That I would be:

Happy with my job - Started Up My Own Company

That my DW would be happy with me - Relationship Is stronger then ever.

That I would take off 35/#'s - Which I have kept off for years.

That Sugar is out of my life - Which it has been for many years.

That I would give up meat - Which is out of my system for several years

That I would be a part time Vegan - Which I'm working on.

That I would keep in shape - Have been doing for 6 years.

That I would keep my swimming practice - In Place

That I would have a Yoga Practice - In Place

That I could think about having my sanity back - Working On This......

That I could feel love in most things I do.

Love,

YB

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Posted By: Mayra

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

That was amazing Marina. I have also become a morning person, which I never thought I would be.

I listen more to my body, and don't force it, or make it suffer in order to accomplish something.

I am starting to believe that slower is faster. I've always been a person that likes to see change fast.

I am more understanding of people, while before I felt frustrated at people at the way they treated me or behaved. I was the type of person that held grudges against people, and tried to stay away from people so they wouldn't hurt me.

Cheers to a New Year!! Mayra from NYC.

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Posted By: Allison

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I never would have believed that I'd move 2500 miles away from where I've always lived, without a job lined up, and with two mortgages to pay, and that I'm not a jibbering mass of terrified jelly. Even the moving so far away part is not anything I ever thought I'd do, and the fact that I trust enough to do it the way I'm doing it with a minimum of fear is amazing to me. Allison

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Posted By: Melanie In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Allison)

Marina and all the rest of you lovely folks - thanks for your messages showing the wonderful growth you've experienced. As I sit here typing this, I'm just beginning to embark on the Journey that many of you have accomplished great things upon. I'm everything (and more) than you were and am trusting that if I 'Let Go' and embrace the Steps that in Time I'll be able to post a similar message - one of hope and stability!

Bright Blessings ~ Melanie

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Posted By: Rebecca

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Marina, Great post! I'll pitch in!

I'd never have believed that I would stop drinking red wine. And I'd never in a million years have believed that I would end up more relaxed and open to people in a social situation as a result! I'd never believe how much I can eat and maintain my weight! (WW had me convinced I got to eat v. little) I'd never believe that I'd feel as happy in a relationship as I do now, and that I would consistently FEEL my emotions. That I could get to the point of listening to my body where I could just ask what was wrong, and start hearing answers.

Thank you to Kathleen for all of your amazing research and hard work. It's paying off dividends for so many! Rebecca

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Posted By: Janice in Md

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Hi Marina and everyone, Great thread. Here's what I would not have believed doing the food would do for me.

Self-loathing, gone. Hurt, disappointment, regrets, guilt held on to from forever, all gone. Just melted away with radiance. Dark, intrusive thoughts that I couldn't control also gone. Endless brooding and chatter in my head, gone. I have peace.

And the best one, I am happy. I understand what happy feels like. I had thought the main reason for my misery was the circumstances of my life. I thought the circumstances would have to change for me to experience happiness.

And here I sit, same husband, kids, house, debts. Same life. Yet it is a totally different life. And I am happy. Still blows me away to think about.

Janice in Maryland

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Posted By: karen

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Janice in Md)

Janice,

Isn't it great about happiness? I have read so many self-help books about happiness like "You can be Happy No Matter What." Most involve blocking out the negative thoughts. But since doing this program, I too am happy and do not have to work at it because the negative thoughts are not there! Such a miracle. Same problems as before, but am now happy. Amazing.

Thanks for sharing, Karen

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Posted By: karen

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Janice in Md)

Janice,

Isn't it great about happiness? I have read so many self-help books about happiness like "You can be Happy No Matter What." Most involve blocking out the negative thoughts. But since doing this program, I too am happy and do not have to work at it because the negative thoughts are not there! Such a miracle. Same problems as before, but am now happy. Amazing.

Thanks for sharing, Karen

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Posted By: Janice

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Janice in Md)

Hi All, I thought of another big change. I find that I am no longer surrounded by annoying people. It's amazing how MY recovery has improved the people that used to drive me crazy, lol. Janice

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Posted By: Lucinda

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

These are all an inspiration! I read PnP in 1999. I did all the steps at once and my way which means half way, but I hung on and white knuckled my way without eating sugar again, although I was not feeling like I could tell you anything you would want to believe. Then I went to Ranch and my commitment soared and since then, if you believe me, I'll tell you I enjoy water and sparkling water and herbal teas instead of alcohol and caffeine. I prefer the sweetness of fruit over cookies, cake, candy or soda which I have not had in 5 and a half years. I have learned to cook tasty foods. I am consistent about something (my program) and it has not gotten old, unlike my old pattern of 101 first dates. I can hold my tongue and not gossip about others ( huge for me). I can listen to others' needs and get out of my own way. I can make boundaries and not fear enforcing them. I can react kindly and happily instead of flat or grumpy. I can do yoga and I can walk and swim.

Lucinda

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Posted By: Yvonne

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Lucinda Bush)

That how I communicate would change a thousand fold. (From violent to gentle choice of words and body language)

That I can hold space for myself and others in a loving and non-judgmental way, letting them truly walk their own path with my blessing.

That I do not have to fight and struggle my way through healing issues past. They resolve with so little effort compared with before - a little bit of love and tears and *poof* they are released.

That I am better able to learn new ways of coping with life's bumps.

That I no longer have to fear being violent - physically or emotionally - to my child(ren) as was done to me as a child.

That I am gaining enough clarity of mind to start crafting the way my soul calls for.

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Posted By: Elaine

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Lucinda Bush)

that I would stop reading diet articles, attending "diet clubs," and stop dieting altogether. that I would stop using artificial sweeteners. that I would find carrots, sweet potatoes, herbal teas, and--yes--even broccoli (!) etc. sweet-tasting. that I would stray from my ideal eating-plan and return to it before pressing the binge button. that I would maintain an unfluctuating weight for years. that I would be able to see such a clear connection between what I eat and how I feel. that miracles do happen. Elaine

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Posted By: David

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

Hi Marina,

I loved reading your post. I have fought sugar addiction all my life (I'm 48). Back in June of 2005 (after trading whites for browns), I wrote..."First time to feel satisfied and full without wanting more to eat...so this is how normal people feel every day! Wow!" It was the first time I had ever felt that sensation. I was smiling all day long to myself thinking...'this is actually doable, I can say no to any food pushed in front of me...cool!')

My weight problems used to also hurt my back, but week after week I wrote down in my journal 'no back problems this week!' It is really nice to live for other things and NOT for food. I don't have a fear of the future any longer. David in Houston

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Posted By: healthie

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

This is a wonderful threat Marina. I guess it's a bit "eyeore-ish" of me to grumble, I never would have believed you if you'd told me I will still be working towards detox and still fooling around with my "lover" sugar after 3 years following the program.

But...I don't feel Eyeore-ish at all! I feel very excited to have hung in there and I feel very proud of what I've accomplished...so even though radiance eludes me still...here's what I can't believe:

That my kids have "protein milk" on rice krispies or cheerios for breakfast and not lucky charms.

That my kids don't even ask to get a dessert without first eating their "protein" and they can list the foods that contain protein!

That I don't eat apple fritters the size of moons for "brunch" and nothing else until dinner.

That I stocked my closet with incredible sexy, comfortable and stretchy new clothes and gave away the skinny ones.

That for potlucks I make main dishes with whole grains instead of my trademark gooey desserts and everybody licks the pot clean!

That I can relegate my bathroom scale to the basement and consult it only once in a blue moon!

That I joined a gym and exercised 2/3 times a week for TWO YEARS (THIS IS REALLY WOO HOO for me!)

That I could give up diet coke and wine.

That I could go for more than 2 days without a brownie or chocolate chip cookie!

That there was such a thing as sugar sensitivity/addiction and I had it.

That there was such a thing as life without eating sugar and I'm doing it.

That I would spend soooo much time on email every night chatting on a public forum (LOL)

I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted By: Jackie

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (healthie)

I am not far into the program but I can say that I no longer am suffering from migraines. In fact, I called the doctor to ask if I could be taken off my headache medicine since I have discovered that they are caused by too much sugar and artificial sweetener. Life is good without the headaches.

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Posted By: beth

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I never would have believed:

I could go YEARS without eating M & m's:)

I could stick with anything more than just a few weeks

My weight would be the same for over a year ( I'd like to loose but...)

I would start my own business and make it work

I could grin (inwardly) when my kids melt down Knowing what is behind it.

I could not cave in to other's expectations and criticisms of my food choices, even on special occasions

I could see my faults for what they are and not want to die because I was/am imperfect

I could actually CHANGE

I would rather plan than "wing it"

I would take piano lessons just because I wanted to

That sugar...sugar could cause such havoc

That I could LOVE, FORGIVE, EMPATHIZE with and MISS my deceased alcoholic father

I could STILL wobble sometimes with all the great effects of staying steady!

I would check in online nearly everyday for years, give up sugar, caffeine and bread..... and not think I'd joined a cult!

I could be free of sinus infections for years at a time

and on and on

Blessings to all, Beth

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Posted By: Kath

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

That I could leave depression and it's medications behind. Migraines and those meds, And medication for ADHD, and so could all 4 of our children, and still have them achieving well, in fact better, in school.

That I could understand why so much of my irrational unreasonable behaviours and feelings happened, and feel kindly. compassion and gentleness.

That I could respond rather than react. That I could laugh so much and be genuinely glad.

That knowing the theory and understanding it and applying *most* of it I could sabotage myself and take so long to get to where I am now, where I knew I wanted to be all along. And still be kind to myself!

5 1/2 years after first being loaned Potatoes not Prozac, I am a much happier lady! Kath

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Posted By: Liz

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I could say "ditto" to many of the above posts, but here's my list of things I'd never have believed if you'd told me...

I would stick with this program for 11 months--I had despaired of ever sticking with anything long enough to do some good.

I would be excited to be among the first batch of baby boomers turning 60--and feeling better than I felt at 40! (50 was a disaster).

I would walk/jog over 30 minutes almost every day and love it--this is a huge shift for me--my husband can't believe it!

Food would be my friend, not my nemesis.

Sugar wouldn't call to me anymore wherever I go--I think it's forgotten my name!

I would be able sit happily with people who are eating dessert and not feel deprived and cranky and sorry for myself.

I would set and actually meet goals--and set new ones.

I wouldn't have wild mood swings, crying jags and self-doubt about where my life is heading. Again, my husband can't believe it!

I would understand that when I'm crabby or depressed--it's about food, not about my character or other people.

I would feel the ongoing sense of peace and well-being that has always eluded me despite trying "everything".

And last, and truly least important (but a thrilling bonus), I wouldn't have believed you'd if you told me that I would lose 28 lbs without gritting my teeth, and would feel comfortable wearing jeans and tucking my shirt in for the first time in about 20 years.

Thank you Kathleen, for giving me a new lease on LIFE!!

Liz

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Posted By: Yvette

 In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Liz)

Wow!! All of you are just amazing.

I am very new to recovery. I'm starting step 4 today. I feel strangely emotional today and every one of your posts touched me deeply. I will definitely keep checking in.

I am so inspired by all of you. I just want what you have... some peace.

I never have believed you if you'd told me there were so many like me!!

Thank you so much for sharing.

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Posted By: Carol

In Response To: Re: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Liz)

You are all so wonderful. I can't tell you how much hope you have passed along to a newbie like me. I am on Day 6 of detox and doing great. If someone had told me even a month ago that I would be able to give up my glass or two of red wine several evenings a week, I wouldn't have believed it. Also peanut m&m's, salty crunchy white things. I was miserable not understanding why I couldn't control these impulses. I think I really was led to Kathleen's program and to communication with all of you. Thanks to all of you for sharing and keep me in your good thoughts as I continue my journey. You are all my heroes. Carol

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Posted By: Patches

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I am new at this program. I am on step 2. I still have days of doubt that this will work for me. I still have confusion about the program and how it works. I just want to say WOW! I can hardly wait to get the point where all of you are. I want all the things that you have---so I guess I will just have to do what you do .

((((hugs to all of you))))

Patches

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Posted By: Violet 

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

I would never have believed...

***I would enjoy spending time with my friends and family. I mean really really enjoy it and relax and laugh and be really funny and myself. And not want to go back home to eat and watch t.v. and be alone.

I would call old friends to reconnect.

I would stop caring what others thought, just relax into myself and bring more love into the world.

I would stop exercising compulsively.

I would stop bingeing.

I would want to give and not be so selfish.

I would get along with people and not have to fake it.

I would enjoy my life.

Thank you. Violet

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Posted By: JeannieOrcas

In Response To: I'd never have believed you if you'd told me... (Marina)

*That I would listen to people instead of thinking about what I would say next, or wondering what they were thinking of me.

*That sugar and whites would have no charge at all for me.

*That I wouldn't use my circumstances as a reason/excuse to limit my life.

*That I would be fearless and bold . Risk-averse, timid me. Bold.

*That I wouldn't live from one wild enthusiasm to another. That I could patiently build a skill.

*That I would have so much hope.

*That I could feel so connected to people I haven't met in person.

*That my food obsessions, depression, and anxiety would heal.

Hugs,

Jeannie