At ranch we talked about the addiction amoeba. We reviewed what happens when we take out the chemicals that have soothed us. Take out the alcohol, we turn to sugar. Take out the sugar and we turn to….what? Debt, work, sex, risk?

As we looked at this, we wondered…how do we know the difference between addiction and passion? I shared the official definition of addiction as “continued use despite adverse consequence.” This means we keep doing it even it is creating bad things in our lives.

Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Here is the dilemma. Addiction, by its very nature, evokes beta–endorphin, the brain chemical that cuts pain and makes us feel better. And, most significantly, makes us forget. Addiction means forgetting…forgetting regular life, forgetting connection with the people we love, forgetting what fills us and nourishes us. We think the addiction is giving us comfort and solace. It feels like a good thing, something that adds to our life.

So how do we know? Is it addiction or is it passion? You may be wondering, “Whatever is she talking about?” Let’s try looking at a few things that might be considered addiction:

• Going to the casino and thinking it is just for the thrill of the “strategy” but not noticing you don’t have money for your bills.
• Working late 8 days in a row and thinking, “They need me.”
• Spending money you don’t have because you feel better when you shop.
• Getting another tattoo because “he is such a great artist.”
• Buying another piece of art for your “collection” and having no space to put it.
• Getting another watch because you need one to wear with the clothes you just got to feel better.
• Having more…….

I honestly think this question is the essence of step seven. This clearing process takes rigorous honesty and a willingness to ask for help in sorting it out. I think this topic is real for all of us on step 7 and I thought it would be helpful to share my own process. I think most of you know that I do Golden Retriever Rescue. Sometimes I complain about it – too much work, not enough support, why do I keep doing it? Am I just putting my codependency energy into action? Wanting to take care of things and then being resentful that no one else steps us to the plate?

Last week, during the middle of ranch, two of my rescue puppies got sick with parvo, a very serious viral disease that can kill puppies. They needed to be hospitalized right as everyone was arriving for Ranch. During this dilemma, I called my daughter for emotional support. Of course I was not so clear that I was asking for help in sorting it out so she said, “I thought you were not doing rescue anymore.”

The question stung. She didn’t get that I was having a hard time, and asking for help. She responded in a functional way…why do you keep doing something that causes you drama and pain?

After ranch was over, I realized that I needed to look at this question with an open heart. Was it addiction or was it passion? As I did this, I realized how hard this question is and why we try to avoid it so much. Did I need to “just say no?” Did I need to walk away and get out of the rescue business? What was really going on? Was I willing to ask these questions with an open heart?

I started the process. First of all, I recognized that I do have a filter of addiction and that can color how I look at my life questions. So, task number one was to get the facts, and not just the negative ones. My review needed to include not just the negative or the dramatic. It needed to be balanced and thoughtful and not reactive.

It was an astounding process. In fact, the process of asking the questions was transformative. Here is what I learned:

• I love Golden Retrievers. I have long thought I have a Golden Retriever heart.
• I don’t like it that people throw away or abandon dogs. Actually, I don’t like it about abandoning in general. This is part of my own story and what informs most of my life.
• I have spent 8 years building an organization that is highly regarded, skilled, effective, well run and financially sound. We have a fabulous group of people all over the state who help. There is simply a gap here in the city. We do a great job of placing dogs, even dogs with very special needs.
• Placing dogs in loving homes gives me great joy.
• Having respect and appreciation from the community gives me satisfaction.
• We need a better system of volunteer support.
• What we have been doing needs an upgrade.
• Rescue dogs are grateful dogs.
• Adoptive homes are grateful homes.

The list continues. The process of the review gave me a profound insight. I am in the gratitude business. This suits me. Gratitude is one of my core values. Do I class this as addiction? Nope. Do I need some help? Absolutely! Is this adversely affecting my life, or enhancing it?

After all was said and done, the answer to my question was a no brainer. Rescue is a source of joy, pride, passion and appreciation. If I have moments of it being hard, I simply need to ask for help. It is that simple.

Now, here is the astounding thing. The PROCESS of the review took me to the essence of recovery – rigorous honesty, careful reflection, thoughtful dialogue, creative problem solving…all the things I cherish most.

The question of is it addiction or is it passion was revealed in the asking.

• Am I willing to look?
• Am I willing to give it up if necessary?
• Will I ask for the openness of people I trust?
• Will I listen to what they say?
• Am I will to embrace to power of skill and the outcome of passion?
• Am I willing to acknowledge that I can create things of great value and respect and can honor that I am not just dabbling?
• Am I willing to accept that I can invest time, money and energy into something over a long period and that it is a healthy thing to do that?
• Am I willing to embrace the right to claim a return on that investment?

Since the answer to all of these was a resounding “YES!” the rescue qualifies as passion.

And I know that there are and have been things in my life that did not pass this test. I got to the end, and said, “Well, gotta go, baby” and…there are some I am still working on.